Covid times : Family ties go for a toss

24 May 2021

A friend pressed the panic button, a few days ago. All she wanted was a contact in some NGO in Chandigarh to help a woman, suffering from Covid-19. Her husband denied her access to a hospital. Nor was he willing to provide her with food and medication at home. 

No, the husband was not an abusive one. In fact, never did they fight at any time during the 25 years of their married life. But the presence of Covid-19 in her body made him behave like that. Fortunately, the panic call worked for her. An NGO took her to a nearby hospital and she got the much-need treatment.  
 
Well, this was not the only case. Of late, we have been reading a lot of reports of such cases where the near and dear ones of the patient leave them to be on their own. Some of them do not want to take the patient back home even after receiving a Covid-negative report. Such is the trauma and stigma associated with Covid-19. A country which was known for its value system and familial support no longer exudes such warmth.
 
In fact, many hospitals across the country have been reporting many such cases. Not only this, thousands of dead bodies await burial or cremation as the family members do not want to claim them. Never before have we seen this kind of a crisis. But for the fear of getting infected, people would have never behaved like this.
 
The civil society organisations that are generally known for meeting the immediate needs of the deserved had to step in. Many organisations came forward deviating from the purpose they were formed for. They could not see the dead or the living go through such a disgraceful phase.
 
This trend started last year when the first few cases of Covid-19 were detected. As the world started closing itself, people from abroad started coming back to India to be with their family members. Unfortunately, they saw the worst. The relatives with whom they used to speak over a video call almost every day were no longer willing to speak, forget accepting them in their house.
 
People looked at them with suspicion. They had no clue whom to ask for help. The local counsellors and other administrative officials had to make arrangements for their stay. Some of the natives were willing to pay but were not ready to accept them as inmates in their house. This was certainly an unimaginable conduct from people staying in India. After all, we as a country was known for our friendliness, warmth and love.
 
A story published in the Hindustan Times is an eye opener. It speaks about the trauma one of the first patients in Delhi went through when he came back to India from Italy. While he was admitted to a hospital, he got all kinds of abusive messages, as if he was a murderer or an anti-national, who wanted to spread the virus in India. The photographs of his family members were uploaded on social media. He had to block close to 1500 phone numbers to stop the incessant abusive calls that were being made to him. Imagine a person battling his life being subjected to such torture.
 
“There was so much in the news about me – and at that time there was a lot of stigma about Covid-19 – so when people used to talk among themselves, I felt they were talking about me”, he said, before realising it wasn’t so,” says Rahul (name changed).
 
Instead of using his story of recovery for spreading positivity, our mainstream media focussed on people, who turned out to be super-spreaders. Ironically, the disease was associated with a particular religion. In fact, a rumour was afloat that they purposely wanted Covid-19 to spread.
  
Nevertheless, people gradually got used to the fact that the virus can infect anyone. And no one spreads it purposely. No one would like to threaten his/her life for spreading the virus. The trauma was overcome with positive messaging, heroic stories of struggle and experience-sharing by the survivors. Towards the end of January 2021, we saw life getting back to normal.
 
With the second wave hitting the country more severely, the stories of stigma and trauma are back. Be it the elderly or the young, people are willingly abandoning their infected close ones. With a country that invests only 7.7 per cent of its GDP on social security and welfare schemes, compared to 30 and 20 per cent in the case of France and the US respectively, how can a person be expected to survive without a family?
 
We do have institutional care schemes for the children but very few are aware of such initiatives. The social media is flooded with messages and appeals for adopting children, either abandoned after infection or abandoned due to death of their parents. Unlike the normal circumstances, the relatives do not wish to take the responsibility of such children. That fear of being called as inhuman is no longer there. For them, their own life is more precious than anyone’s child. When did we become so selfish? No one knows.
 
Only a few know that the government has defined a set of regulations and guidelines for adoption and institutionalisation of children. For sure, people circulating such messages have a vested interest. Some might want to extract money in the name of children. Ignorant people may fall prey to such messages.
 
At stake is the life of the child, who has no one to take care of. Only a few would know about government authorities like the district child welfare committees, district child protection units or organisations like the Childline. And even if some know, it might not be easy to approach them.
 
When it comes to institutionalisation of the elderly, India is still at a nascent stage. Unlike the West where they call such places  “retirement homes”, we do not have any such facility. Only relief available could be old age homes run by organisations like Help-Age India. In the name of pension, people usually get less than a thousand rupees a month. The amount varies from state to state. From birth to death, the Indian citizen is usually on its own.
 
Covid-19 has made survival all the more difficult with India losing hope in its biggest institution called “family”. A new concept of “extended family” has originated, where people are hardly there for one another.
 
In fact, coronavirus has become a reason for many to shun their responsibilities. The government has neither announced a helpline for psycho-social support of the patients or immediate family members. Nor has it announced protocols for home isolation or guidelines for care-givers.  
 
Even if some state governments have come forward with such guidelines and helplines, very few know about their existence. Had the government played its role effectively, life would have been much easier. In the absence of correct knowledge, it becomes natural for people to panic and take extreme steps. Some may find abandoning their kith and kin as the only alternative. After all, it is not easy to maintain calm in a crisis. Only a few can manage stress.
 
Every time a pandemic or a disaster takes place, the government expects the civil society to play a major role. This year was no different with Niti Ayog calling upon 92000 NGOs to collaborate. With tight FCRA regulations, it has become all the more difficult for the NGOs to raise funds from the overseas sources and to collaborate with one another for achieving common goals. 

In such a scenario, how can they be expected to tackle such issues on a war footing, especially when their pleas to the government for relaxation in these regulations had been falling on deaf ears?  They are forced to think of compliance more than the communities they serve.
 
The virus, too, has changed during the second wave. The government machinery has failed us. The threat of a third wave is looming large. They say, children would be at a higher risk. All we need is the right messaging, awareness, counselling, institutional and financial support from the government and a concrete plan for better preparedness. We have a great orator as our leader – the one who claims to be a common man, a chaiwala-turned Pradhan Sewak. Can we expect this common man to address this not-so-common crisis albeit innovatively and strategically?
 
(The writer is a company secretary and can be reached at jassi.rai@gmail.com)
 

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