hidden image

Bob's Banter by Robert Clements Classes for Riots and Agitations..!

Robert Clements Robert Clements
27 Sep 2021

With debates, speeches and convincing arguments slowly losing their appeal among Parliamentarians and State assemblies, and fists, stones and riots taking over, youngsters realize new skills need to be learnt and coaching classes which always rise to such occasions are thinking of rising to the occasion!
"This course," said the proprietor of a coaching institute in Delhi, "will equip students to agitate and get maximum exposure. Here, meet our first instructor."
"Good morning!" said the instructor as he put out his hand then suddenly ducked while a policeman on a bicycle cycled past.
"He is wanted by the police," said the coaching class owner proudly.
"For what?" I asked surprised.
"For assault and goondaism!" said the owner of the classes, "we knew he would be the right person to teach students the art of throwing stones."
"Is it an art?" I asked, "or an offence?"
"Aha!" said the owner, "He shows students how to throw stones only when a policeman raises his lathi and a camera man is taking a shot, that way the public will think it is retaliation against police brutality!"
"Interesting!" I said.
"And who is this?" I asked looking at a woman who had just come by with torn clothes on, "looks like she's been through a scuffle."
"She is being kept for women students."
"What does she teach?"
"How to rip your sari or tear your clothes when being led to the police station!"
"Why would anyone want to do that?" I asked perplexed.
"How else can you accuse the cops of molestation?"
"I can even show you how to inflict nail and bite injuries on yourself!" said the teacher proudly coming towards me.
"I'm sure you can," I whispered fearfully as I moved away. "Are there other instructors?"
"Of course! It's a very professional course," said the owner, "we have tutors who teach students what to wear during a strike; wear a lab coat and you will get immediate public sympathy as doctors always have public appeal! Also, we have makeup artists who tell them how to put instant red blood marks all over before cameras click you. We also have …"
"One minute," I interrupted, "don't you have teachers who teach your students to speak better, how to debate and convince others?"
"Sir, when did we ever use those methods in our country?” asked the coaching class owner, looking puzzled “We only enhance the skills of what’s already being done or taught here! Are you a journalist sir?”
“Yes!” I admitted.
“Then we can teach you what bribes to pay for good treatment and better food sir!”
“Pay where?” I asked weakly.
“Inside jail, if they book you for sedition!” said the coaching class owner, “We coach to meet present requirements sir..!” 

bobsbanter@gmail.com

Recent Posts

The Supreme Court's landmark ruling against Governor RN Ravi marks a decisive victory for Tamil Nadu. It is the first step towards curbing central overreach and reaffirming state autonomy. This is def
apicture Dr John Singarayar
14 Apr 2025
RN Ravi and Arif Mohammed Khan are emblematic of a broader trend where Governors in Opposition-ruled states obstruct elected governments. The Supreme Court's landmark verdict reasserts constitutional
apicture A. J. Philip
14 Apr 2025
Good Friday challenges the world's selfishness with Jesus' radical love and sacrifice. The Cross and Eucharist call Christians to humble service, justice, and compassion—not rituals alone. True discip
apicture Jacob Peenikaparambil
14 Apr 2025
Journalist Rupesh Kumar Singh, jailed under the UAPA since July 2022, marks 1000 days in prison. His arrest followed reports exposing industrial pollution harming Adivasi livelihoods. While witnesses
apicture Joseph Maliakan
14 Apr 2025
In a world chasing glory and power, the simple act of "tying a towel" calls us back to humility and service—values Christ exemplified and Mother Teresa embodied. True greatness lies not in dominance b
apicture Peter Fernandes
14 Apr 2025
MA Baby's rise to CPI(M) general secretary has rekindled concerns. His past policies and public remarks raise questions about whether his leadership can truly embrace inclusive, coexistence-based secu
apicture Joe Kavalam
14 Apr 2025
Only those who pass the Laughter Test get a ministry berth. Why? Because if you can't laugh at yourself, you'll never understand the joke, democracy sometimes makes of power.
apicture Robert Clements
14 Apr 2025
Erosion of the rule of law is disturbingly gaining traction in India, marked by mob violence, state complicity, and selective justice. Minority communities face targeted attacks, and dissenters are si
apicture Jacob Peenikaparambil
07 Apr 2025
IIT and MBA graduates struggle with employment despite premier degrees, often turning to food stalls or gig work. A failing education-employment system, outdated curricula, and rising costs leave many
apicture Jaswant Kaur
07 Apr 2025
Despite being the backbone of Kerala's healthcare system, ASHAs are underpaid, overworked, and denied worker status. Their demands for fair wages and benefits remain unmet while the centre and state g
apicture Joseph Maliakan
07 Apr 2025