The Preamble to the Constitution
of UNESCO declares that “
wars begin in the minds of men, it is
the
minds of men that the defenses of peace must be
constructed.†UNESCO was created in 1945 after world suffered by two
world wars.
This famous vedic saying, “war
begins in the minds of men (and women)†is a reality which we
experience in the numerous disputes between countries, families and
individual persons. The large number of conflicts which happen daily between
persons in families and organizations are due to misunderstanding
and false imaginations which originate in the minds of
people. With misunderstanding and assumptions
persons make accusations against each other
and react negatively ending up in fierce fights and
prolonged enmity.
Among the individuals very often
the conflict begins with minor reasons and misunderstanding. Words
used casually without any malice and a false information or
gossip from someone can cause suspicion and anger
against the best friend or the most loved ones. Indifference from the part
of husband or wife due to their some preoccupation or pressure in
workplace would cause doubts and breakdown in normal
communication. When tension mounts they forget all the positive
experiences about the other and the wonderful times they had spent in love
and friendship. The delay caused for communication and
dialogue will intensify the conflict and increase gap between the persons.
What are the steps to dissolve the misunderstanding, heal the wounds and
rebuild trust and relationship?
1.
One who is
senior, more experienced and holding higher responsibility shall manifest more
maturity and understanding keeping away the personal ego, obsession with power and authority . In a
conflict it is always the senior and the powerful who should show
understanding and concern for the other.
2.
Instead of
concentrating on the baseless allegations, impulsive behaviour of the
junior partner and placing arguments to prove the other person was
wrong the senior shall express concern for him /her. Showing
one’s humility and honouring the junior or weak partner who nurtures hurt
feeling will only win the heart of that person. This change of
heart may not happen immediately. However he / she would be
forced to reflect on this act of humility and magnanimity at a later
stage and would start emulating this example in his / her personal
life.
3.
Success in dialogue
between two persons in conflict and peacemaking will be
possible when the senior person is aware of the importance of
relationship and is committed to restore fellowship and trust at any cost
. Then there is no room to prove who is right and who is wrong. The focus
would be on rebuilding the strained relationship.This is needed for the
happiness of the family and progress of the organization. A broken family,
a divided organization and a divided country can never achieve their vision and
mission.
4.
If the
individuals in the family or groups in an organization were
brought up in vision centered atmosphere and educated in mission
consciousness the resolution of conflicts is easy . People who are led by
personal ambition and false ego may neither understand
nor accept any efforts for dialogue and reconciliation.
5.
The ideal way is to
have dialogue between the conflicting persons themselves and settle
the differences and conflicts. A mediator should come only when the
persons and groups who are in conflict unable to meet and talk. In
any case no conflict should be prolonged. As the cemented
structure cannot be broken easily the prolonged conflicts will
need much effort to settle.
6.
The individuals and
groups in conflict should take time to reflect on the mystery of
life and death. Death is a reality which will put a full stop to
all our ambition , ego and fights. None of us can choose when, where
and how we will have to end our lives . But all of us can choose
how we should live today, ney, NOW. How can we carry on with our hurt
feelings when we are not sure of a fraction of a second ?
7.
The most motivating
force to forget , forgive and move on is the awareness of the gift
of life and all the abundant resources we have received from
God. The all powerful God is patient and loving despite
our repeated infidelity, disloyalty and misuse of all God-given
gifts. On what basis can we be so demanding and rude to our
fellow brothers and sisters for their failures?
8.
I recall the
response of a famous Malayalam film actor Prem Nazir in an interview
about his attitude to those who criticized him. He said, “Life is short;
we have very little time left for loving people around us. Then where
is time for hating?†May the words of Prem Nazir who is considered one of the
successful actors of Indian cinema motivate persons to hasten to rebuild
friendship and fellowship.
Friendship is the face of God. Loving
one another is the true worship of God. This mindset will
prevent conflicts between individuals and wars between countries.
