Suicide or Murder, I Am Lost..!

And as I looked at the scenario surrounding the death of the late actor Sushant Singh Rajput, and police forces of two states pitted against each other, I wondered where this was going to lead? “Sir,” said a constable in Mumbai, “We have a pickpocketing near the railway station, “shall I start investigating?”   

“No!” shouted his inspector, “First find out where he is from?”

“Sir, he is from the city!”

“Who?” asked the inspector.

“Sir, the man who was pickpocketed!”

“Not him stupid, find out where the pickpocket is from!”

“But sir, we have not caught him as yet!”

“Talk to the man who was the victim, find out how he looked. Was he from Bihar or a neighbouring state, or could he be from a foreign country?”

“Sir, generally the victim, never sees the pickpocket!”

“Then, ask him how the hand felt? Was it a Delhi hand, a UP hand, or maybe an iron Rajapaksa hand from Sri Lanka?”

“He never even felt a hand sir!”

“Case dismissed,” said the inspector with finality, “I don’t want Kejriwal, or any other chief minister starting another investigation, because they feel we were targeting someone from their state. Rules are going to change! I have heard rumours, that immediately after a murder or robbery, the police force called has to be from the state the accused is from!”

“But sir…”

“No buts,” said the inspector, “This is very good, as immediate national integration will take place, Mumbai police will solve cases in Delhi and Jalandhar police will be in Chennai and maybe in the Andaman’s! Imagine the closeness that will develop in the whole country!”    

“But sir, this could create confusion!”

“Not confusion, opportunities! I have always wanted to go to Thiruvananthapuram, and watch the sunset at Kovalam beach, or Goa, after some cycle thieves and enjoy the fenni! I could take my family there, why maybe every outstation case could be a family holiday! See, how just one argument between two chief ministers is going to change our boring lives…”

”But sir…”

“No buts,” said the inspector, his eyes on the map, “Maybe we should pick our cases depending on places we have not visited!”

“But sir, suppose a police force went from Chennai to Delhi to catch a criminal, and gave our famous midnight knock? And after the knock, they shout, “katavai tirrakavum!”

“What is that?” shouted the agitated inspector.

“That means open the door in Tamil sir! And sir, what happens if you lose your way in Vishakhapatnam, while solving a case, will you be able to say, “nenu pogottukunannu? That means ‘I am lost in Telegu!”

“I am lost!” whispered the inspector, turning in the direction of Bihar and Mumbai, “Chief Minister sirs, let us remain in our own jurisdiction and solve our own cases, otherwise this country will be lost..!”

( bobsbanter@gmaail.com)

(Published on 10^th August 2020, Volume XXXII, Issue 33)