hidden image

Bob’s Banter by Robert Clements Chief Guest Boris…!

Robert Clements Robert Clements
07 Dec 2020

Many world leaders and people across the globe are wondering why dear Boris from Merry England’s been chosen India’s Republic Day chief guest. A tabloid in London interviewed him, and found he was blown over by the invitation, “It’s not every day one gets an invitation to visit our colonies!” said Boris, sweeping back his unruly hair, “I guess Lizzy’s too old to check on her subjects so they’re inviting me!”

“Sir, India is not one of our colonies anymore, and not been for the past seventy years or more!” said the reporter.
“Oh Blimey! I must strike that out of my speech!” said Boris as he searched his pocket for the paper he’d written his speech on, to deliver on the ramparts of the Red Fort, “Could it be because of my hair?”
“Your hair sir?” asked the reporter a bit surprised.
“Yeah, it’s rather windy in Delhi in January, and maybe they chose someone who wasn’t bothered about which way the wind tossed it!” chuckled Boris.
“That could be a valid reason Mr Prime Minister!” said the reporter respectfully, as he wrote down the PMs comments dutifully, “But I’m sure there must be more a reason than just your hair!”
“You think so?” asked the English PM hesitantly?
“I don’t know sir, I’m only asking? Though we were all wondering whether it has to do with the vaccine?”
“Vaccine?” asked Boris.
“Yes sir, didn’t you announce to the world today, you are the first country to start vaccinating everybody?” asked the reporter.
“Yes!” said Boris squaring his shoulders, “We are going to show the world, that Britain leads the way again!”
“That Mr Prime Minister, could be the reason them Indians are calling you sir!”
“Ah they want to give me an award? They give a lot of awards I heard, and my trophy shelf desperately needs one!”
“No sir!”
“No? You don’t think they want to give me some award or other?”
“No sir!”
“So dammit, what could be the reason?” asked Boris as he saw visions of the award on his mantelpiece fading away, “Why else would they call me as their chief guest, there in front of all the cameras with all the world to see me!”
“Exactly sir!”
“Exactly what?”
“There in front of the cameras with all the world to see! They want to examine you sir, to see how the vaccine has worked on you! Whether you’ve grown a tail, lost your hair, hands trembling, voice quivering! You’re their vaccine guinea pig for the whole country to watch sir! After that they’ll decide which vaccine to order!”
That night as Boris felt his hair for the tenth time, his live-in partner Carrie asked, “What you doing Boris, you’re acting as if you’re hair is fallin’ off?”
Boris looked at her with haunted eyes..!

bobsbanter@gmail.com

Recent Posts

India's ambitious overhaul of its labour law architecture—by consolidating 29 existing laws into four comprehensive Labour Codes—is projected as a landmark reform intended to simplify compliance, prom
apicture Jose Vattakuzhy
01 Dec 2025
Across India, workers and unions are resisting labour codes that dismantle decades of hard-won rights. As corporate elites are celebrated, labourers face exclusion, precarity and silencing. The battle
apicture Prakash Louis
01 Dec 2025
I have always considered myself a temple-goer. That description may seem inadequate, for my journeys have taken me from the southern tip of the subcontinent to the Himalayan foothills, tracing not mer
apicture A. J. Philip
01 Dec 2025
Sixteen BLO deaths in three weeks expose the brutal human cost of an impossible SIR timeline. As overworked field staff collapse under pressure, the Election Commission denies responsibility, and an a
apicture Jacob Peenikaparambil
01 Dec 2025
Two Jesuit moments, a century apart, reveal a stark contrast: courage that welcomed Gandhi, and caution that silenced a Stan Swamy lecture. As we mark the feast of St. Xavier, we are asked not to judg
apicture Fr. Sebastian James, SJ
01 Dec 2025
O Father of India, on this sacred day, Not in prayer of sorrow do we gather, For your light is still dancing in our hearts. A fire that never dies, never ends.
apicture Dr Suryaraju Mattimalla
01 Dec 2025
As 2025 draws to a close, the Constitution's guarantees feel symbolic to millions. With courts, policing, voter rolls and land rights tilting in one direction, religious minorities confront a future w
apicture John Dayal
01 Dec 2025
Beneath the speeches of Constitution Day lies a nation in peril. Rights are eroded, institutions compromised, minorities targeted, and democracy is hollowed out. Ambedkar's warnings echo today, demand
apicture Cedric Prakash
01 Dec 2025
Aeschylus, the Greek tragedian, wanted to know how he was destined to die. Hence, he consulted a fortune teller who told him the truth and nothing but the truth. "You would meet your death under a fal
apicture P. Raja
01 Dec 2025
Picture two engines joined together. Both powerful, both capable of pulling a nation forward. But one engine pulls east and the other west. They strain. They struggle. And the train goes nowhere.
apicture Robert Clements
01 Dec 2025