hidden image

Bob’s Banter by Robert Clements The Spanner, Screwdriver, Hammer Box..!

Robert Clements Robert Clements
22 Feb 2021

The mechanic who’d come over to repair my broken fender, stood in front of my car, “Sir!” he said happily, “as soon as I got sahibs phone call, I took my spanners, pliers, hammer and screwdriver…”
“And jack!” I reminded him.
“Yes sir, and jack, and came over here!”
“Why don’t you just say, you came here with your toolki..”
“No sir, no sir, don’t say that word!” shrieked the mechanic, “I have a twenty - two year old daughter at home. I don’t want her to go to jail!”
“I’m not sending your daughter to jail, we’re just talking about your tools, your spanner, and screwdriver and hammer..”
“And jack sir!”
“Yes, yes, and jack, and putting them into a toolki…”
“Sir! No, they are listening, if they hear you, they will think you are from Sweden!”
“Everybody knows I am not from Sweden!” I said.
“Sir, now, we don’t know who is Indian and who is trying to break our country!”
“Break our country?” I asked surprised.
“Yes sir, you also could be a swedishionist!”
“A what? You mean a seditionist?” I asked.
“Sir please, don’t say such words loudly, I heard only fifteen minutes you can speak to your daughter in jail! What I will do with only fifteen minutes?”
I looked at my broken fender, and at the poor mechanic who was on the verge of a collapse.
“How much?” I asked.
“What sir?”
“How much to repair my broken fender?”
“Fifty thousand rupees sir?”
“What?” I screamed and I saw my neighbours peeping out of their windows, “Fifty thousand rupees to repair a bumper? Even a new one is one tenth the cost! Are you mad?”
“No sir!”
“Then why are you charging me this atrocious amount?”
“That is how much a Supreme Court lawyer charges per hour sir, and I will need at least four to five more broken bumpers to get her out of jail!”
“But she is not in jail!” I told him gently.
“But she will soon be sir!” wept my mechanic.
“Why, because she is twenty-two years old?” I asked chuckling.
“No sir, this morning, she could not find her college books bag, and took my Spanner, Screwdriver, Hammer Box instead to class sir!”
“You mean your toolki..”
“Sir, sir, don’t say the word,” screamed my mechanic as a siren sounded in the distance and he fainted.
The next day I drove with a broken fender, realizing it was not just mechanics with Screwdriver, Spanner, and Hammer boxes who now lived in what was once a fearless country, where one could get a fender repaired without a mechanic fainting on his job if the kit where he kept his tools was mentioned aloud..!

bobsbanter@gmail.com     
 

Recent Posts

You may be supremely happy that your Freedom of Religion Bill has received the President's assent and has now come into force in Maharashtra. But there is an irony that you may not have noticed.
apicture A. J. Philip
31 Aug 2026
India's children are discovering the power of protest. Their demands are modest. Safe classrooms, clean water, toilets, teachers and dignity. If governments silence those who expose these failures rat
apicture Jacob Peenikaparambil
31 Aug 2026
Gonsalves was born on April 5, 1954, in Munnar, nestled in the Western Ghats in Idukki District of Kerala, into a prominent Anglo-Indian family from Pallippuram in Kochi's Vypin. He was the eldest son
apicture Renjith Leen
31 Aug 2026
A "church-free Odisha" must not become a cause for fear or retaliation. Christians must respond with truth, courage and peace, remembering that our strongest witness is faithful service: building brid
apicture Archbishop John Barwa, SVD
31 Aug 2026
Vande Mataram once united Indians against colonialism. Its appropriation today seeks to turn a shared national symbol into a test of Hindu nationalism and patriotism, diverting attention from governan
apicture Oliver D'Souza
31 Aug 2026
Recent cases of infants abandoned in Haryana, Karnataka and Jharkhand expose a legal system built for children who can speak, not infants who cannot. Strict criminal penalties for abandonment push par
apicture Vidyadhar Prabhudesai
31 Aug 2026
The smartphone may be the millstone of our age: a pocket-sized idol that promises connection but breeds distraction. When we surrender ourselves to its endless pull, children learn to imitate us. True
apicture Fr. Anil Prakash D'Souza, OP
31 Aug 2026
Dolly's faith was heard not only in gospel songs but also in her generosity. Through her Imagination Library, she placed millions of books into the hands of children. She did not merely sing about lov
apicture Robert Clements
31 Aug 2026
A democracy must distinguish between an armed insurgent and a questioning citizen. Calling critics, students, academics or activists "Dimaagi Naxals" is unacceptable. Strength lies not in silencing di
apicture Dr Martin Valiyaparambil VC
24 Aug 2026
As I watched, I could not help remembering the interview I did with your father, NKP Salve, for Jain TV in the 1990s. Goswami, I presume, was then still "studying for some time in a Jesuit-run school,
apicture A. J. Philip
24 Aug 2026