hidden image

Bob’s Banter by Robert Clements The Spanner, Screwdriver, Hammer Box..!

Robert Clements Robert Clements
22 Feb 2021

The mechanic who’d come over to repair my broken fender, stood in front of my car, “Sir!” he said happily, “as soon as I got sahibs phone call, I took my spanners, pliers, hammer and screwdriver…”
“And jack!” I reminded him.
“Yes sir, and jack, and came over here!”
“Why don’t you just say, you came here with your toolki..”
“No sir, no sir, don’t say that word!” shrieked the mechanic, “I have a twenty - two year old daughter at home. I don’t want her to go to jail!”
“I’m not sending your daughter to jail, we’re just talking about your tools, your spanner, and screwdriver and hammer..”
“And jack sir!”
“Yes, yes, and jack, and putting them into a toolki…”
“Sir! No, they are listening, if they hear you, they will think you are from Sweden!”
“Everybody knows I am not from Sweden!” I said.
“Sir, now, we don’t know who is Indian and who is trying to break our country!”
“Break our country?” I asked surprised.
“Yes sir, you also could be a swedishionist!”
“A what? You mean a seditionist?” I asked.
“Sir please, don’t say such words loudly, I heard only fifteen minutes you can speak to your daughter in jail! What I will do with only fifteen minutes?”
I looked at my broken fender, and at the poor mechanic who was on the verge of a collapse.
“How much?” I asked.
“What sir?”
“How much to repair my broken fender?”
“Fifty thousand rupees sir?”
“What?” I screamed and I saw my neighbours peeping out of their windows, “Fifty thousand rupees to repair a bumper? Even a new one is one tenth the cost! Are you mad?”
“No sir!”
“Then why are you charging me this atrocious amount?”
“That is how much a Supreme Court lawyer charges per hour sir, and I will need at least four to five more broken bumpers to get her out of jail!”
“But she is not in jail!” I told him gently.
“But she will soon be sir!” wept my mechanic.
“Why, because she is twenty-two years old?” I asked chuckling.
“No sir, this morning, she could not find her college books bag, and took my Spanner, Screwdriver, Hammer Box instead to class sir!”
“You mean your toolki..”
“Sir, sir, don’t say the word,” screamed my mechanic as a siren sounded in the distance and he fainted.
The next day I drove with a broken fender, realizing it was not just mechanics with Screwdriver, Spanner, and Hammer boxes who now lived in what was once a fearless country, where one could get a fender repaired without a mechanic fainting on his job if the kit where he kept his tools was mentioned aloud..!

bobsbanter@gmail.com     
 

Recent Posts

Sudden Death!!!!!
apicture Robert Clements
02 Feb 2026
India's "steel frame" had long rusted into a rigid Babu raj—colonial in instinct, beholden to its master, rule-obsessed, and distant from citizens. Red tape has always trumped service, accountability
apicture Pachu Menon
02 Feb 2026
Dalit - Bahujan Poems (Series)
apicture Dr Suryaraju Mattimalla
02 Feb 2026
India's labour market mirrors the ILO's warning in its latest report. Unemployment may look stable, but the work is informal, insecure and poor. Demography creates jobs, not dignity. Youth, women and
apicture Jose Vattakuzhy
02 Feb 2026
By staying the UGC's Equity Regulations, the Supreme Court has frozen one of the few institutional checks on caste discrimination in higher education. In the name of social harmony, ground realities w
apicture Joseph Maliakan
02 Feb 2026
After Christmas 2025 saw Christians "lynched" across India, Parliament's silence on escalating attacks against Christians is deafening. The violence is in plain view, yet scrutiny is procedural and ev
apicture John Dayal
02 Feb 2026
Kerala's social harmony and democratic culture are ill-served by the BJP's entry tactics: communal polarisation, social media fearmongering, symbolic awards, and cynical alliances. Wherever this model
apicture Jacob Peenikaparambil
02 Feb 2026
On Republic Day, a district magistrate banned meat in the tribal district of Koraput, mistaking personal belief for constitutional authority. Nowadays, even food has become nationalistic. Freedom has
apicture A. J. Philip
02 Feb 2026
The Quit India campaign was ruthlessly crushed by the British Government, swiftly responding with mass detentions. Over 100,000 arrests were made, mass fines were levied, and demonstrators were subjec
apicture G Ramachandram
02 Feb 2026
The courtroom chuckled.
apicture Robert Clements
26 Jan 2026