hidden image

Bob’s Banter by Robert Clements The Spanner, Screwdriver, Hammer Box..!

Robert Clements Robert Clements
22 Feb 2021

The mechanic who’d come over to repair my broken fender, stood in front of my car, “Sir!” he said happily, “as soon as I got sahibs phone call, I took my spanners, pliers, hammer and screwdriver…”
“And jack!” I reminded him.
“Yes sir, and jack, and came over here!”
“Why don’t you just say, you came here with your toolki..”
“No sir, no sir, don’t say that word!” shrieked the mechanic, “I have a twenty - two year old daughter at home. I don’t want her to go to jail!”
“I’m not sending your daughter to jail, we’re just talking about your tools, your spanner, and screwdriver and hammer..”
“And jack sir!”
“Yes, yes, and jack, and putting them into a toolki…”
“Sir! No, they are listening, if they hear you, they will think you are from Sweden!”
“Everybody knows I am not from Sweden!” I said.
“Sir, now, we don’t know who is Indian and who is trying to break our country!”
“Break our country?” I asked surprised.
“Yes sir, you also could be a swedishionist!”
“A what? You mean a seditionist?” I asked.
“Sir please, don’t say such words loudly, I heard only fifteen minutes you can speak to your daughter in jail! What I will do with only fifteen minutes?”
I looked at my broken fender, and at the poor mechanic who was on the verge of a collapse.
“How much?” I asked.
“What sir?”
“How much to repair my broken fender?”
“Fifty thousand rupees sir?”
“What?” I screamed and I saw my neighbours peeping out of their windows, “Fifty thousand rupees to repair a bumper? Even a new one is one tenth the cost! Are you mad?”
“No sir!”
“Then why are you charging me this atrocious amount?”
“That is how much a Supreme Court lawyer charges per hour sir, and I will need at least four to five more broken bumpers to get her out of jail!”
“But she is not in jail!” I told him gently.
“But she will soon be sir!” wept my mechanic.
“Why, because she is twenty-two years old?” I asked chuckling.
“No sir, this morning, she could not find her college books bag, and took my Spanner, Screwdriver, Hammer Box instead to class sir!”
“You mean your toolki..”
“Sir, sir, don’t say the word,” screamed my mechanic as a siren sounded in the distance and he fainted.
The next day I drove with a broken fender, realizing it was not just mechanics with Screwdriver, Spanner, and Hammer boxes who now lived in what was once a fearless country, where one could get a fender repaired without a mechanic fainting on his job if the kit where he kept his tools was mentioned aloud..!

bobsbanter@gmail.com     
 

Recent Posts

In an era when faith is often kept carefully outside the public square, VD Satheesan, Leader of the Opposition in the Kerala Legislative Assembly, speaks of the Bible with an ease that is neither perf
apicture Dr Suresh Mathew
29 Dec 2025
For seventy years, Christmas felt benign. This year, people were wishing each other a "safe" Christmas. That single adjective reveals India's moral crisis. Mobs rule, and symbolism has replaced govern
apicture A. J. Philip
29 Dec 2025
Festivals once nurtured harmony; today, they are weaponised. Hate, boycotts, and violence have replaced pluralism, enabled by silence from power and an ideology hostile to India's constitutional promi
apicture Jacob Peenikaparambil
29 Dec 2025
As the new year dawns, India pauses to introspect—except its institutions. Data reveals a justice system dulled by delay, selective mercy, and unequal enforcement, where survivors wait, the powerful w
apicture Jaswant Kaur
29 Dec 2025
On December 15, 2025, in Kanker district, Chhattisgarh, a province in the central part of India, the father of Rajman Salam, an elected sarpanch (village headman), was buried according to Christian ri
apicture United Christian Forum
29 Dec 2025
Renaming the Mahatma Gandhi National Rural Employment Guarantee Act (MGNREGA) into the Viksit Bharat Guarantee for Employment and Livelihood Mission (Rural) Bill, dubbed "G RAM G" and pushed through P
apicture Oliver D'Souza
29 Dec 2025
In the land of Tagore, Vivekananda, and Gandhi—who preached universal faith and freedom—religion is now weaponised. Constitutional guarantees are undermined by vigilantes, anti-conversion laws, and si
apicture John S. Shilshi
29 Dec 2025
In the thundering storm of ignorance and fear, Rose a voice, fierce and clear-Periyar, the seer. A flame against the darkness, a sword against the lie, He challenged the shadows that veiled the sky
apicture Dr Suryaraju Mattimalla
29 Dec 2025
Christmas celebrations in Arunachal grew into vibrant expressions of faith and culture. Today, they are celebrated widely across the state, but their roots trace back to that fragile, defiant begin
apicture CM Paul
29 Dec 2025
The Lord Jesus has promised that the stones will cry out. What remains to be decided—by me, by my Order, by the Church in India—is whether we will raise our voices with them, or whether our silence wi
apicture Fr. Anil Prakash D'Souza, OP
29 Dec 2025