hidden image

Bob’s Banter by Robert Clements The Spanner, Screwdriver, Hammer Box..!

Robert Clements Robert Clements
22 Feb 2021

The mechanic who’d come over to repair my broken fender, stood in front of my car, “Sir!” he said happily, “as soon as I got sahibs phone call, I took my spanners, pliers, hammer and screwdriver…”
“And jack!” I reminded him.
“Yes sir, and jack, and came over here!”
“Why don’t you just say, you came here with your toolki..”
“No sir, no sir, don’t say that word!” shrieked the mechanic, “I have a twenty - two year old daughter at home. I don’t want her to go to jail!”
“I’m not sending your daughter to jail, we’re just talking about your tools, your spanner, and screwdriver and hammer..”
“And jack sir!”
“Yes, yes, and jack, and putting them into a toolki…”
“Sir! No, they are listening, if they hear you, they will think you are from Sweden!”
“Everybody knows I am not from Sweden!” I said.
“Sir, now, we don’t know who is Indian and who is trying to break our country!”
“Break our country?” I asked surprised.
“Yes sir, you also could be a swedishionist!”
“A what? You mean a seditionist?” I asked.
“Sir please, don’t say such words loudly, I heard only fifteen minutes you can speak to your daughter in jail! What I will do with only fifteen minutes?”
I looked at my broken fender, and at the poor mechanic who was on the verge of a collapse.
“How much?” I asked.
“What sir?”
“How much to repair my broken fender?”
“Fifty thousand rupees sir?”
“What?” I screamed and I saw my neighbours peeping out of their windows, “Fifty thousand rupees to repair a bumper? Even a new one is one tenth the cost! Are you mad?”
“No sir!”
“Then why are you charging me this atrocious amount?”
“That is how much a Supreme Court lawyer charges per hour sir, and I will need at least four to five more broken bumpers to get her out of jail!”
“But she is not in jail!” I told him gently.
“But she will soon be sir!” wept my mechanic.
“Why, because she is twenty-two years old?” I asked chuckling.
“No sir, this morning, she could not find her college books bag, and took my Spanner, Screwdriver, Hammer Box instead to class sir!”
“You mean your toolki..”
“Sir, sir, don’t say the word,” screamed my mechanic as a siren sounded in the distance and he fainted.
The next day I drove with a broken fender, realizing it was not just mechanics with Screwdriver, Spanner, and Hammer boxes who now lived in what was once a fearless country, where one could get a fender repaired without a mechanic fainting on his job if the kit where he kept his tools was mentioned aloud..!

bobsbanter@gmail.com     
 

Recent Posts

The courtroom chuckled.
apicture Robert Clements
26 Jan 2026
From 1926 to 2026, the Salesians of Kolkata celebrate a century of dignity and service—forming educators, empowering school dropouts, and nurturing leaders across Bengal, Sikkim, Bihar, Nepal, and Ban
apicture CM Paul
26 Jan 2026
O Article Fifteen!
apicture Dr Suryaraju Mattimalla
26 Jan 2026
Everyone is running scared! The trade unions are quiescent; the mainstream media are hedging their bets when not grovelling; the students have lost their voice; the middle-class collaborators are acti
apicture Mathew John
26 Jan 2026
From Rahul Gandhi's warning against a "culture of silence" to crises in foreign policy, elections and institutions, India is drifting into fearful compliance. Great nations are not built in silence; t
apicture G Ramachandram
26 Jan 2026
As Budget 2026 nears, minorities—especially Christians—remain invisible. Real spending on welfare has shrunk, scholarships slashed, NGOs crippled by FCRA cancellations, while thousands of crores flow
apicture John Dayal
26 Jan 2026
Delhi's taps and skies are failing together. With over half of the groundwater unfit, uranium and faecal contamination detected, and only partial testing done, the capital is gambling with lives. The
apicture Jaswant Kaur
26 Jan 2026
Republic Day should honour the Constitution, not parade power. From Emergency to today's alleged electoral autocracy, critics see secularism, rule of law and judicial independence eroding. Ambedkar ha
apicture Jacob Peenikaparambil
26 Jan 2026
Supreme Court quoting the Manusmriti, a text that sanctifies caste and patriarchy, to decide modern cases, opens a dangerous door. A humane outcome cannot justify a regressive source. Constitutional r
apicture A. J. Philip
26 Jan 2026
From Somnath to Ayodhya, history is being recast as grievance and revenge as politics. Myths replace evidence, Nehru and Gandhi are caricatured, and ancient plunder is weaponised to divide the present
apicture Ram Puniyani
19 Jan 2026