hidden image

Bob’s Banter by Robert Clements The Spanner, Screwdriver, Hammer Box..!

Robert Clements Robert Clements
22 Feb 2021

The mechanic who’d come over to repair my broken fender, stood in front of my car, “Sir!” he said happily, “as soon as I got sahibs phone call, I took my spanners, pliers, hammer and screwdriver…”
“And jack!” I reminded him.
“Yes sir, and jack, and came over here!”
“Why don’t you just say, you came here with your toolki..”
“No sir, no sir, don’t say that word!” shrieked the mechanic, “I have a twenty - two year old daughter at home. I don’t want her to go to jail!”
“I’m not sending your daughter to jail, we’re just talking about your tools, your spanner, and screwdriver and hammer..”
“And jack sir!”
“Yes, yes, and jack, and putting them into a toolki…”
“Sir! No, they are listening, if they hear you, they will think you are from Sweden!”
“Everybody knows I am not from Sweden!” I said.
“Sir, now, we don’t know who is Indian and who is trying to break our country!”
“Break our country?” I asked surprised.
“Yes sir, you also could be a swedishionist!”
“A what? You mean a seditionist?” I asked.
“Sir please, don’t say such words loudly, I heard only fifteen minutes you can speak to your daughter in jail! What I will do with only fifteen minutes?”
I looked at my broken fender, and at the poor mechanic who was on the verge of a collapse.
“How much?” I asked.
“What sir?”
“How much to repair my broken fender?”
“Fifty thousand rupees sir?”
“What?” I screamed and I saw my neighbours peeping out of their windows, “Fifty thousand rupees to repair a bumper? Even a new one is one tenth the cost! Are you mad?”
“No sir!”
“Then why are you charging me this atrocious amount?”
“That is how much a Supreme Court lawyer charges per hour sir, and I will need at least four to five more broken bumpers to get her out of jail!”
“But she is not in jail!” I told him gently.
“But she will soon be sir!” wept my mechanic.
“Why, because she is twenty-two years old?” I asked chuckling.
“No sir, this morning, she could not find her college books bag, and took my Spanner, Screwdriver, Hammer Box instead to class sir!”
“You mean your toolki..”
“Sir, sir, don’t say the word,” screamed my mechanic as a siren sounded in the distance and he fainted.
The next day I drove with a broken fender, realizing it was not just mechanics with Screwdriver, Spanner, and Hammer boxes who now lived in what was once a fearless country, where one could get a fender repaired without a mechanic fainting on his job if the kit where he kept his tools was mentioned aloud..!

bobsbanter@gmail.com     
 

Recent Posts

An organisation that claims to champion discipline, patriotism, and national regeneration should have little hesitation in embracing constitutional accountability. Transparency is not a threat to cred
apicture A. J. Philip
22 Jun 2026
Students today face unprecedented academic, emotional, and digital pressures. The answer lies not merely in better teaching techniques but in compassionate mentorship. Teachers who inspire trust, mode
apicture Jacob Peenikaparambil
22 Jun 2026
As the BJP consolidates power and the TMC splinters into rival camps, Mamata Banerjee's future hangs in the balance. Surrounded by rebels and rivals, she faces her gravest crisis—yet remains a leader
apicture John Dayal
22 Jun 2026
The national testing regime has become a costly annual drill that encourages rote learning, fuels corruption, enriches the coaching industry, and inflicts severe mental stress on millions of students,
apicture Joseph Maliakan
22 Jun 2026
The rise of the Cockroach Janata Party challenges the familiar "foreign hand" narrative, revealing instead a home-grown expression of youth frustration over unemployment, inequality, and political
apicture Pachu Menon
22 Jun 2026
The shrinking availability of migrant labour calls for a fundamental rethinking of labour policy. Better wages, social protection, housing, skill development, and workplace modernisation are essential
apicture Jose Vattakuzhy
22 Jun 2026
Visionary that he was, Dr APJ Abdul Kalam's ardent proposal for a National Prosperity Index to replace the National Poverty Index was an effective socio-economic mantra as a holistic formula. This per
apicture P. A. Chacko
22 Jun 2026
We are told We must not dream Of becoming: A Reader, Bent over bright margins Where new worlds germinate;
apicture Dr Suryaraju Mattimalla
22 Jun 2026
Every few months, we are treated to the same political circus. A party wins an election. Voters celebrate. Defeated parties lick their wounds. Commentators analyse the verdict. Then, just when everyon
apicture Robert Clements
22 Jun 2026
After I reached this place on May 27, 1964, I have generally kept away from writing letters. Old habits, however, die hard. My daughter is here, and so are my grandsons. None of us knows you personall
apicture A. J. Philip
15 Jun 2026